Hey kiddo. What’s wrong? Scared of the dark, are you? I see you’re not one for horror. That’s fine. That’s why I am here. You don’t know who I am, but know this kiddo, I am a friend.

Hey kiddo, yeah, you’re eighteen. I get it. But  chuck that cigarette away. Believe me, I’ve had a hard time breathing for a while now thanks to these cancer sticks. Yeah, if I hadn’t stopped when I did, I’m sure I would have had lung cancer by now. Alright, I’ll stop cajoling.

Take a walk with me. I’ll tell you something at the very end, but not now, lest it scares you away. Listen. I know. I know what you’re going through, and ha-ha, I’ve been there, done that. In fact, its almost comical to me, not to you at the moment though, if I tell you that I’ve lived through all that you’re going through right now.

Why are you looking at me so sad and forlorn-like? Hey, it’s not the end of the world. I said I know, and I do.

You’re trying, but not wholeheartedly to get admission into med school, yes? You scored averagely on your MCAT and in your F.sc exams, that I know too. Your parents didn’t give you a hard time about it, and I know this too that when the result of your exams came, you were reading Harry Potter five out of sheer sadness. I get it.  And now you’re here, at KIPS academy, repeating your two years of education, and every inch of you is filled with remorse but you’re too proud to say it.

Don’t flip me the bird. Fuck you too kid.

You don’t want this life, believe me. And if you keep smoking, one of these days…. well, fuck me for not saying it, because I cannot change the course of events that’ll transpire.

Hear me out though. Being a doctor, being an engineer, all that shit doesn’t matter in the long run. So, even if you can’t get in this time, don’t fret. Don’t worry. You darkle, you tinct. But that’s not how you should be. Not you.

And listen, those who’ve been bad to you, forgive those assholes. Yeah, yeah. I know, they’re assholes, they don’t know how to behave properly. They wouldn’t know what to do kid.

And heartbreak. Yeah, Muhi is going to take Farwa, and you’re going to sit there, brooding in your sadness. That’s how first love and first loss always goes. They go hand in hand.

But oh sonny boy, if you could see your wife right now, you’d ejaculate out of sheer excitement. And man, if you could see the friends you’re going to make in the next few years, yowza.

And that fear of yours that you won’t ever get into a university and shit, that’s bogus. You’ll graduate. I know. You’ll get a great job, you’ll earn more than you’ll be able to spend and you’ll go wild. But listen, don’t let that go to your head.

The sadness though, it will never leave. Your mother will die, your father, and then one by one, those whom you loved and couldn’t imagine your life without, they’ll all abscond to the hereafter. Sadness man, I’m telling you. That what you feel right now, that’s nothing compared to what’s going to come.

What do you think of me when you look at me?

Yeah, you got that right. I look like Stephen King. Har-de-har-har, there. You know it. Yeah, I’m a writer. I’ve been writing for some twenty years now. At first it was ghostwriting but later I finally got the balls to publish my own works.

Stop smoking motherfucker! At least don’t light up in front of me.

What if I told you, I know the darkest thoughts you’ve had?

Yeah, about your sister. And the ones about your brother.

You wanna have sex with one, and you wanna kill the other. I won’t say which is which, but you know what I am talking about. Haha. Don’t worry though, its just your hypersexuality fucking with you right now. Those feelings are perfectly normal. No, you’re not gay. No, you’re not Cain.

I guess that about does it. Also, I want to hug you. Provide you courage for what you’ve been through and what’s about to come. You’re going to need it.

Stop smoking inside the house. It breaks your mother’s heart every time she sees you like that. If you can help it, stop smoking altogether.

She’s the first Farwa in your life, but know this, she ain’t the last. Stop singing that morose song. Songs have a way of coming to life.

If I may, I’ll advise you to keep writing. That what you’re writing right now, its utter garbage, but it will get better. Just keep at it. Read more King. Yes. The Darktower series are worth it.

I know you only have twenty cents in your pocket at the moment. I can’t give you any money, I won’t. But there will come a time very shortly when you will have all the money in the world.

You’re bipolar.

You’ll get testicular/penile fungi that’ll last for one year. Your baldness will worsen before it gets better. You’re going to witness your first snowfall in the coming months.

Shit, the battery on this thing’s busted. I gotta go.

And kid, I am you. Cliché it might sound, but I am you from the future. Start watching The Walking Dead. It will get awesome in the seventh season. Read some Poe, some Lovecraft, some Shirley Jackson and some other shit besides King.

Look, if you don’t believe that I am you still, look at this scar on my forehead. Same as yours, innit? I won’t be coming again anytime soon. But I will, and I know when you’ll need me.

Here’s another hug for the road. Peace out. And switch from these Gold Leafs to the Marlboros, they’re tastier and burn faster. Tell your dad to have more sex, it’s  the only viable cure to cluster headaches. But tell him to use condoms, you don’t want any more siblings than you have. Har-de-har-har-har.

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