“If Ghost Rider were a ghostwriter, he’d write like King”  -Some stranger I chatted with on Omegle

This is probably the best day of my life. I mean, wow. I have been reading Stephen King ever since I could walk properly and that was before I could talk properly.

I used to-and still do for that matter-love his writing style; how he’d explicitly describe in detail everything. Everything. No matter how pedantic it’d seem, he’d write it down and let the reader be the judge of that.

I always judge a writer’s ability to write by the way he describes condoms in reference to their surroundings. I know, I know, I am sick, perverted and whatever but hear me out. There are only two writers out there whom I actually adore as a fatherly figure. King and Palahniuk. Both because they took no shit while they wrote what they wrote. King, in IT, described in detail a condom swimming unattended in the fountain water. Palahniuk even went as far as to call it ‘a jellyfish of a condom’. That; that’s what in my ever so humble opinion, ‘writing down the bones’ and ‘burning through to first thoughts’ means.

So today, whilst writing a sub-chapter for a book of one of my many ghostwriting clients, I just got bored. Bored as a condom tired of swimming downstream in the sewers. And I copy pasted that text into this website. After analyzing my text, it came up with the afore-displayed banner that said that I write like the King.

This moment, it makes me proud of myself. I adore King and his horrific and macabre approach to writing. Although he did say in his book ‘On Writing’ that one should always come to the writing desk with reverence. Perhaps reverence for King is fear. Perhaps he comes to the writing desk afraid. Lately I have been feeling afraid too whilst writing. Words when I write them send down chills down my spine and all the way to and through my anus.

Perhaps that is why that website (which runs on a very efficient algorithm devised by a Russian Programmer) deemed it fit to anoint me an imitator of the King.

All I need now is Senpai to notice me XD That or a billion dollars. Whichever comes sooner.

I’ll leave you, my dear Constant Readers, with a beautiful quote by the King:

“Language does not always have to wear a tie and lace-up shoes. The object of fiction isn’t grammatical correctness but to make the reader welcome and then tell a story.”

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