Today at 6:45 PM a crow sitting on an electricity wire overhead, dropped a steamy, sizzling douche and it dropped right in my eye. Needless to say, it changed my view of the world. I did what I could at that moment: I flipped the bird, the bird.
What are the chances? I keep asking myself this. For a bird to have eaten his fair share of worms in the morning and then to have travelled all around the city-I hear crows fly the farthest in one go-only to shit in my eye. And I wear glasses, for God’s sake! In that transcendental moment of coincidental synchronicity, the bird dropping accelerated downwards, slipped through the rims of my hipster glasses and right into my right eye, lubricating the eyeball in its entirety in bird feces!
I was walking homewards from this cool ass software house, after getting a job there as a content writer and singing to myself, what a wonderful world in a somewhat passable impression of Louis Armstrong, when shit literally happened. The first thing I did was obviously google “What happens if a bird shits in my eye of all places?”. Then I posted an angry Facebook status, and then a tweet (fuck you Twitter bird! and fuck your kind!), and then I decided to write this blog here. Save the best for last, as it were.
I phoned my father, who happens to be a surgeon, and asked him what to do. He thought I was playing a practical joke on him; he closed the phone whilst cackling. He must be thinking to himself, Damn that kid is a chip off the old blog.
I proceeded to the bathroom where I analyzed with precision, for the first time, my shit laden eye. It was smudged, like the chocolate on top of donuts, the crow shit, right beside my crow foot. I splashed water in my eye for as long as I could, watching pieces of shit swirl their way down the sink. That’s a first.
It still doesn’t feel right but well, shit never does. I’m off to the hospital to get my eye checked. But this was all too fucking hilarious and serendipitous not to share while it was hot.
My mom thinks that it was all very symbolic: She thinks that it all connects somehow and the moral through that intricate interconnection is that I should be humble. She thinks I was getting a little too haughty and a little too proud for my own good. Well mom, I think that’s shit. Crowshit to be precise.
But it left me wondering… Are these happenstance happenings merely happenstance happenings or is there some meaning to them?